Time for one of those posts which make no sense whatsoever to everybody. Yea I know I don't have to put it up here, but putting it on paper / screen gives a better perspective. Why not write on paper? Uh... I still want to be able to read it next time. My handwriting's not all that good. Fine... its damn bad.

Well... how to start... I guess its for the best for it to remain this way. Most likely it will jeapodise everything if it ever comes out into the open. Some things are just like that... sometimes its because of time, sometimes distance, sometimes just plain luck. In any case it is really too soon, not that it will help if it happens a year later. Then again perhaps it will, not highly unlikely... I've experienced it enough to know that it will always be in the back of my head. It is all the 'what-ifs' that get to me. Just like an RPG game. I need a save function. Too bad huh... Not that I regret these 2 decisions, I think its fine and the best thing I can do, but how to stop that bitterness? Sometimes its bad being a musician... your heart gets the better of your head at times. No matter how much you rationalise it won't help your heart one bit.
There. I have the answer now.
Doesn't help my heart though.

PS. Free lunch to whoever guesses what I am talking about.
PPS. Free lunch limited to $10 tops.