Well.... its been quite a long time since i last blogged... for good reason too. One of them is of course laziness and procrastination, but the main thing is.... well the main thing is that thing I suppose. Other factors include PS exams, portfolios, assignments, concerts and etc... That said... here goes

Not going to recap my life this past month or so.

Let's discuss some issues ya? First off... Take time to smell the roses. Now this is good advice indeed, even if you are rushing like mad trying to finish portfolios or compositions. Especially for composing, though I always say deadlines create miracles. Sometimes a break in the flow of composing can make the return much more fluid. Besides that, taking time allows for reflection, like what I am doing now. Certain things look silly from a gulf of 10 years, but some things remain the same, and of course certain things make you regret it all over again. (No I don't regret THAT decision for the handful who know what I'm saying). Times like this make you wish you are in a RPG game with lots of save files. Too bad it doesn't happen this way, so the best way is to explore every nook and cranny to discover all the secrets and secret characters in this one go. And don't pick fights with monsters too tough or go exploring where you are not supposed to yet.

Second... Inner peace. How long has it been since any of you sat down and meditated / listened to a CD / read a book / relaxed? Don't think so. I do. This search for inner peace is something that I have been doing for the past month or so, except the reading part. For those who have heard my recent work Peace, you might have an inkling of what it is like. This yearning is a lifelong search, and for those who cannot bear to look for it by themselves, they turn to, forgive me this is my opinion, religion. Not that I don't encourage people to be religious, but what I feel is that religion is for people who need that extra bit of help. I have no doubt that if I had a church or temple or mosque to go to I might be a better person, but I cannot muster enough faith for such a community. Therefore the search is mine and mine alone. Arvo Part's music speaks to me in the exact same way... the searching for peace within. Listen to the Cantus in Memory of Benjamin Britten. The last four bars are rests. Hear it and tell me that those four bars are not what you most desire.

Thirdly... The applause. Ask yourself now. Why do you perform? Why do you stay up all night to touch up on a presentation? Why do you feel apprehensive about people tasting your food? Why do you wear that new dress / shoes / top? Its for the approval of others. Musicians and all other art practitioners will know what I am talking about. There is rarely anything more gratifying than the applause of the audience. Not the polite applause, but the thunderous applause which goes on forever. You feel good when your friends say your cookies are 'super yummy' and smile inwardly when they notice your new dress and rave about how pretty it is. You feel good too when your presentation get the nod of approval. We live for such moments, and when no one is there to give it, we do it ourselves. We congratulate ourselves for having written a nice piece of music, for trying out successfully a new recipe, for finally fitting into the 21 inch mini skirt. Since we want approval so much, why not give it to others? The next time someone does a good job, remember to compliment him. It will brighten up his day instantly.

Fourthly... Reflection is the key to life. That's all there is to it, and classic novelists like Dickens, Eliot, Conrad and many more are masters at reflection. Their observations cut to the core of human behaviour and act as mirrors to whoever opens their books. Read them.